Muhammad awarded Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo


Muhammad, the prophet of the world’s 1.6 billion muslims received the Nobel Peace Prize today, honoured by the Norwegian committee which looked to recognize the contributions of the founder of the “religion of islam” which means “religion of peace”.

Fittingly for a recluse spiritual leader with no official spokesperson or pope, Muhammad sent Ayatollah Khameini, one of his most vocal proponents to the Oslo ceremony for the 2012 prize, which critics including former Nobel laureate Desmond Tutu say is undeserved.

“Sixty days of peace. Sixty days without any violent protest over the depiction of the profet, intentional or accidental. It’s the first time that this has happened in the troubled history of the post Sept 2011 world,” the nobel prize committee announced to the press before the ceremony.

“The facts prove that the Muhammad is a peacekeeping instrument of the first order through the application of violence,” stated the comunique among other things.

Muhammad will dedicate the Nobel Peace Prize to all and every one of the 1,600 million muslims at a ceremony in Strasbourg later this week.  The ceremony, to be attended by Mr Khameinni and various other dignitaries such as Mullah Omar on Wednesday, will be followed by the awarding of the humanitarian prize, the Sakharov prize for freedom of allowable thought. It has been announced that all the prize money will be equally divided among all of the world’s muslims to help lift them out of poverty.

That decision has attracted critics on Twitter and other social media sites who joke that if you divide the exact number of the prize money by 1.6 billion would equal about 0.066666 cents each, an irrational number.

With the upcoming new regulations for internet censorship such joking will not be allowed in the near future.

Commentators on social media haven’t been the only critics of the award going to Muhammad, who for the past ten years has inspired some of the worst violent displays of religiously motivated protest and disorder.

Bishop Desmond Tutu, who fought the apartheid system in his native South Africa, said last week that Muhammad did not deserve the award. Yesterday, around 1,000 members of left-wing, human-rights and right-wing groups in a rare show of unity, marched through the streets of Oslo in protest, saying Muhammad was not a rightful beneficiary under the terms Alfred Nobel laid down in his will in 1895.

To his credit though, Mohammed has previously received the Nobel Prize in literature for his only book, the Koran.

At press time, the prophet of Islam, Mohammed, (“Peace be upon him,”) had no comment.


*The Nobel Peace Prize is awarded every year to a person or entity that has advanced the cause of world peace.

Past recipients include current US president Barack Obama and Mother Teresa.


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